Tuesday Thoughts

This morning I find myself sitting in Hannah's room having a mini meltdown. We had another potty accident. And while normally I'd take it in stride, this morning it brought me to tears.

What am I doing wrong? Why am I failing? Why does it feel like for every win (getting QJ down on time for his morning nap) I also have a loss (not getting Hannah to the potty on time)? I'm so tired of cleaning up poop...

These were the thoughts going through my head, when I decided to sit down and cry it out.

I know I'm not really failing. I know she's two and she will be completely potty trained in the very near future. Heck, she woke up dry this morning, which I considered a major victory. I can just be hard on myself sometimes. (I've been known to go through this when I can't get QJ to go to sleep.)

After shedding some tears, I pulled myself together with a little pep talk.

It's not how you start (the day) it's how you finish. There's nothing like room for improvement to motivate you. Just relax and stop stressing about it, that's usually when things come together. You can't control everything. Roll with the punches. If you stay in this chair, with your tears and tissues, you're no good to anyone.

So off I go, after all it's not even 10 o'clock, this day can still turn out awesome. Actually, as I listen to my sweet girl singing in the bathtub and the silence coming from the room of my sleeping baby boy, it already is an awesome day.

(Before I could even post this, Hannah called out "potty mama" from the tub. She told me she needed to potty BEFORE she went potty. Yay! It is an awesome day indeed.)

Fort Davis

We had been cooped up in the house for almost two weeks. We were bored and restless. The kids had been fighting off cold symptoms, so we stayed in the house. I wanted them to get the rest they needed. Plus I didn't want to share or pick up any germs. When they finally started feeling better, the weather got yucky. So here we were still in the house and not happy about it. I got the bright idea to build a fort. In my mind, it seemed simple enough. In reality, it's not as simple as the plans in my head. Took me a little while, my first assistant (Hannah) enjoyed tearing it down. Poppa came in to help, and finally we had a decent fort. Again the idea of a fort is fun in theory, but after you've crawled through a few times, then what? Hannah decided to play on the iPad. Somehow we were still bored. We had the fireplace on and it was dim in the fort. Seemed perfect for a nap. But they weren't that bored. We did eventually get out and run a quick errand. Our fort stayed up all day and it was a fun adventure, just not as fun as getting out of the house.

Mornin' Mama

Hannah greets me "mornin' mama", before I even turn on the light in her room. She knows its me and she knows I'm going to say, or sing, "good morning" to her. It's cute and it never bothered me that she dropped the "good." But now I'm thinking I might need to insist on that "good."

This morning I woke up early, before the kids. QJ slept all night (praise God!) and I was so uncomfortable, I had to get up and pump. I should have just stayed up, but I got back in bed. When I finally fell back to sleep, I dreamed that Quarter and I were driving down a road under construction. There were orange cones everywhere. And it was dark. Even though it was daytime.

I slept until the very last minute. The kids were both up, so I had to hit the ground running. This is my least favorite way to start the day. When they both wake up at the same time, I try to address the greatest need first. I got Hannah's cup of milk, her on the potty and changed out of her pull-up into her big girl panties. Then I got QJ's diaper changed and started nursing him. So far so good. And then things started to take a turn. Hannah started to whine, because she wanted me to put her in QJ's bed. I told her she'd have to wait until I finished feeding him, but she continued to whine. I let her watch a video on my phone, but she only turned it up a notch. When she dropped my phone on the floor, she was in trouble. I told her to go to her room. She left and took a moment to cry in the hall. And then she went to her playroom. A few minutes later, she calls out "potty mama." I told her to come to me, but she continued to just call out. By the time I got to her it was too late. She wobbled to the bathroom and I discovered it wasn't just a number one, it was a number two. Great. While holding QJ, I managed to get her clothes down and her on the potty. She started to whine, because she wanted her NooNoo (lovey) that she left on the floor by the potty. For some reason, she decides to reach through her pants to get it. Through the number two mess in her pants. I catch her hand a moment too late. She seemed unfazed by the coating on her hand. She continued to reach for her WHITE NooNoo. This time I caught her hand. Still holding QJ, because there was no time to find a suitable place to sit him, I managed to wipe her hand off. As we struggled for control of her hand, I realized this hand has the thumb that she sucks for comfort. I really couldn't let it go. Still holding QJ and siting on the floor next to the potty, I managed to grab soap and a washcloth and wash her hand. Once the hand was clean, I ran and grabbed the boppy pillow to sit QJ in. I ran Hannah's bath and got her all cleaned up.

As she was sitting in the tub and I was rising off her clothes, cleaning the potty, the sink and my hands, I was grateful that when I need an extra measure of patience, God always provides it. So even though Hannah cried and cried causing QJ to join in, I continued at the task before me. As soon as I could, I got them both in chairs they can't easily escape from, and I had a cup of coffee. And since food is my drug of choice, other than coffee, I wished I had a donut.

It's still early and the craziness is already a distant memory for these sweet kids. Oh I should mention, I'm the only one who hasn't been fighting off cold symptoms. So I'm really not upset about this episode. I told Quarter about it and he admitted he was irritated like he was the one who had to clean up poop. Lol.

I said it could be worse and that the day could only get better. Then I realized that doesn't make sense. If it could be worse, the day doesn't have to get better. Good thing it's still early, because I need to come up with a new mantra to get me through the day.

My Calling

We went out to celebrate my birthday last night. I honestly can't remember the last time we had a date night. We had such a good time. Dinner was great. We saw a hilarious movie. It was perfect.

As we were driving home, I actually caught myself tearing up. I started thinking about the kids and I missed them. This was QJ's first night away. I knew they were fine, Mimi and Granddad couldn't love them more. But I still missed them. I didn't have a full-blown moment, but it did get me to thinking. I always refer to being a stay-at-home mom as a job. I even say its the hardest job I've ever had. It is hard work. Really. Really. Hard. Work. When I worked in the corporate world, my work was challenging. I enjoyed what I did. I enjoyed feeling challenged. I also enjoyed my vacation time. I can't remember ever taking a day or more off and missing being at work. Ever.

As a stay-at-home mom, I don't normally take days off. I'm here 7 days a week. Everyday is a workday. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind taking a break. I love dropping them off for children's church, so I can have time to worship undistracted. I love that Hannah, and now QJ, spend the night with their grandparents. I know how important it is for me to have some time away. Some adult time. Some alone time. I know that it makes me a better mom.

Last night I realized that while what I do is challenging, I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. There are days when I totally understand how moms lose their minds or turn to drugs and alcohol. I do. There are days when I wait for the kids to go down, so I can have a good cry. But there isn't a single day that I wish I was doing something else. Not one.

Word Quota

I've had too much to say for as long as I can remember. In first grade, well in every grade, I would get in trouble for talking. I'd finish my work and then talk to the kids around me. When I was a teenager, I'd lose the phone (landline) as a punishment. It felt unbearable.

In college, I chose accounting as my major, but I hoped not all accountants were stereotypical introverts. When I started working in the corporate world, I loved making new friends at work. I've always worked in areas that required me to work well with others. I like teamwork. I can work alone, but it's so much more fun if you have someone to talk to. Once again, I worked hard to get my work done and then I talked to my coworkers.

For the last two years, I've worked in my new position as a stay-at-home mom. It's a totally different work atmosphere. Aside from the fact that it's the hardest job I've ever had, I also spend a considerable about of time alone in my head. Yes, I talk to my kids--a lot. (And yes, I actually use full sentences with English words. How else will they learn?) I talk to my mom and sister pretty much every day. I also talk to God all day, every day. As I mentioned this job is real hard, so I need lots of help. But sometimes, at the end of a good day, I still have so much to say. There are so many things that I want to share about the day. I try not to bombard Quarter with it all. I know when he asks how our day was, he doesn't want the full version. He's the bottom line person in this relationship and I'm the beat around the bush person. No you can not just have the baby you have to have the labor pains too! (I learned this expression at work, not everyone wants all the details apparently.) I'm always aware of when I lose him. Even more aware than he is. Sometimes I get my feelings hurt that he doesn't want to listen, but today it occurred to me that I could just write it down. My next idea was to blog some of my thoughts. I could get it out and it would feel more interactive. I'm all about solutions in 2013!

So here's what I'd like to say before going to bed tonight...today Hannah added new verses to Old McDonald. Today on his farm he had a TREE with a "tree tree" here and a "tree tree" there. This was hilarious to me. He also had a ball on his farm. Maybe you had to be there, but it was super cute, because she was serious. I love her little emerging sense of humor.

While eating dinner, Hannah asked for a cupcake. Instead of acknowledging her request, I said "eat your green beans." She interpreted that to mean "eat your green beans and you can have a cupcake." I looked up and saw her stuff all her green beans in her mouth. It was so cute, I considered giving her one of the mini cupcakes hidden in the cabinet. Then I looked at the clock and imagined how hard it would be to get her in bed, if she was hyped up on sugar.

When I was making her lunch. She came up and hugged my leg and said "I love you." Sweetest. Thing. Ever. I love when she spontaneously loves on me. Nine times out if ten, its when I need it the most.

Speaking of love, I love how QJ lights up when he sees me. I hope he sees how much I light up when I see him. I pray my kids know how very much I love them. I tell them all the time. That doesn't count against my daily word quota.

Tuesday Fun

I had to blog today because I took too many good pictures that I had to share.

We had a fun filled day today. We made it to the library for story time. And since we had the new double stroller (makes my life so much easier), we took time to get some books on black history.

After nap time, we went to the park to play. Hannah had energy to burn and the weather was beautiful. QJ was content to sit in the carrier and chew on the straps. I was just happy he was happy.

Here are my favorite pictures. Just from today. ;) (I take tons of pics everyday. I usually have around 2,000 on my phone at all times. They are just so cute!!)